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Sunday, January 30, 2005
Today came the knock I've been praying for. These past few months have been very cloudy for me and I know I wasn't giving my best for him, I've taken slippery slopes and fallen into a pit before I realized I was in trouble. The fall was bad and I went through alot of pain. But at the same time, I was hurting him too.I was dying, and I prayed that if I am still precious in his eyes, and he would he would know what's needed to be done. Because I didn't want to die. Becuse I wanted to finish this race. Because I love him and I want him happy. But I loved other things. And I learned the hard way that I cannot be a slave to two or more different masters. Loving one would make me loath the other. And being an imperfect being, I am aware of my own inclinations. I was digging my very own grave. This kind of death is something I had escaped before and had unexpectedly come to face again. Going for something that was entirely just for my own satisfaction didn't do any good for me instead it left me feeling empty.I think I had already learned what is meant by true happiness.But I wasn't careful. It was my fault that I had let less important things to get in the way.But he never gave up on me. He had every reason to disown me. Yet, it's hard for me to understand why he won't let me go. So, I promised that I will try again. And again. and won't stop just as he didn't stop with me.
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