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0 comments | Sunday, January 30, 2005

Today came the knock I've been praying for. These past few months have been very cloudy for me and I know I wasn't giving my best for him, I've taken slippery slopes and fallen into a pit before I realized I was in trouble. The fall was bad and I went through alot of pain. But at the same time, I was hurting him too.I was dying, and I prayed that if I am still precious in his eyes, and he would he would know what's needed to be done. Because I didn't want to die. Becuse I wanted to finish this race. Because I love him and I want him happy. But I loved other things. And I learned the hard way that I cannot be a slave to two or more different masters. Loving one would make me loath the other. And being an imperfect being, I am aware of my own inclinations. I was digging my very own grave. This kind of death is something I had escaped before and had unexpectedly come to face again. Going for something that was entirely just for my own satisfaction didn't do any good for me instead it left me feeling empty.I think I had already learned what is meant by true happiness.But I wasn't careful. It was my fault that I had let less important things to get in the way.But he never gave up on me. He had every reason to disown me. Yet, it's hard for me to understand why he won't let me go. So, I promised that I will try again. And again. and won't stop just as he didn't stop with me.

0 comments | Tuesday, January 25, 2005

from Ken Wong's Best Of Passages Volume ii
I've been visiting Cat since sunday. She woke up. But half the time she's not herself. She would say the wierdest things, like ' We are on the elevator!' ' Stop throwing stones at me!'. It was funny yet it was definitely awful to see her go away. The cancer cells had metastasized on her brain. She can still answer to our questions correctly but maybe not for long. The day she woke up from pain, she had been cussing everyone. She went on and on like that and soon after she rested, she accused everyone of badmouthing her. The one who got the worst blow was her mother. Cat had blamed her for everything that has happened. " If you didn't allow me to get operated, I wouldn't be like this! It's all your fault! Your fault!" . I wanted to get mad at Cat but how can I? I mean, who can?" I felt so sorry for Tita. Everyone wanted to do something. But we all know this is beyond our power. All we can do is to make Cat as happy and pain-free as possible in the next 6-12 months.
I feel sick.

0 comments | Saturday, January 22, 2005

From last night...

xsle84 : i'm going crazy...
xsle84 : i'm so giddy these past few days and i dunno why...
xsle84 : (sigh)
peeunderthesea : /:)are you on drugs
xsle84 : which means i'm bound to be depressed soon....
xsle84 : =))
xsle84 : i think...i'm bipolar
xsle84 : :D
peeunderthesea : nah you're probly just hypochondriac for mental disorders
peeunderthesea : gah ako pala yun

well, I woke up today...with a heavy feeling and i thought i was being a hypochondriac but it wasn't until lunch i would know why...
Catherine, who was supposed to start her chemo today...lost her consiousness.
Doctors are giving up on her...

I wish she wouldn't.

0 comments | Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Kris goes up to her classmates while waiting for a demonstration examination.

Jacob: Here comes our Ms. SACI!! Hey, why don't you join?
Kris: (bewildered) Are you okay or something?
Jacob: I like the way you walk. Teach me how you do it!
Kris: What??
Jacob: You have a pretty-looking butt...but it seems to make up for your flat chest.
Kris: JACOB!! (looking scandalized)
*Jacob is gay, FYI ^^;

My chest is happy but my tush is now very conscious. T_T

Note to self: Since you're such a wuss in front of any guy, please do not take a taxi ride alone.

We had a family meeting today regarding raise on our allowances. The battleground was our kitchen. Lol. The Queen's word was the law. (sigh) We lost.

0 comments | Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Three times. It is kinda pathetic but there were only three instances in my whole young adult life that a guy took note of my existence.

First - on a swimming trip, some guy went up to me and tried to engage me in a conversation then at the end asked my number ( like I'd go on a trip just to give out my number to starngers!)

Second - another one asked my number again after seeing me play the guitar. And I was kinda speechless at first 'cause he was uber-cute. ( But I doubt he noticed me because of me..i think it was because of the guitar ^_^;)

Third - this happened back in Bangkok. I went to an internet cafe and the guy sitting beside me tried to get friendly but i wasn't showing much interest ( he's not that bad-looking, but i didn't wanna waste my online time )some time later, he signed out and said goodbye. I was about to pay my bill at the counter when the person at the desk told me that the guy had already paid for my online time.( yeah, I was bad. I felt so guilty afterwards.I tried to look for him to thank him but he was gone.)

The fourth time happened today.

[ EDITED OUT]

Oh well, unusual attention from a guy is unusual indeed for me.

BTW, I bumped into Sir Rollon on my way to school. He was with his son (who's strikingly looks like his father except for the baldhead). They were so cute together!! Bwahahahaha.After I said my hello he gave his signature smirk. bwahahaha.I can't help but laugh.^_^! Sir Rollon hadn't changed that much.

0 comments | Monday, January 17, 2005

waaaaah! pinku pinku! *glomps* this is ubbbeeeer cuuute :3 :3

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DIY? rainbow funnnn!! (KERA)

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I was up for drawing something cute last night. Wheeeee! Ballpoint pen is funnn to shade with :P I thought it was much difficult than charcoals but thank goodie Mr. De Guzman taught me howto use it. heeeeh i wuv pens. it's very crisp and fine!! BTW, made a doodle journal/gallery this week 'cause SheezyA don't have scraps section ^^;
~huggles~
Brrrr. The weather is friggin cold these days. I've got a stuffy nose that never seems to go away. Morning strolls are becoming a quite challenge for me now T_T.

0 comments | Saturday, January 15, 2005

Bwehehe. I should do this from time to time. Bargain shopping. Of course with my mom. My cool bargain huntress/shopping partner. Kulit!
I dragged her to the mall today telling her she should buy clothes for her trip to HK,(the weather there by the end of this month would be really chilly.) shyempre hindi pwedeng hindi ako humirit. (* from somewhere: HIRIT Queen!)
Our first stop was in Surplus Shop. Got me new tank tops and cropped denim jacket. wheee! They're soooo cheap ^^; Cheap finds makes me happy. I wanted to rid my fitted shirts and jeans. My tush is is so bulky! And I hate my chest...wish they were a bit flat.(Ohohohohoh)
Then on Freeway, which becoming more like a FRUiTSy Shop, we found a uber cool wool jacket. Got mom that and a denim blazer. Bwehehehe. I also rummaged through the "discount rack" and picked a pink halter. Near the counter, I found those knee-high rainbow socks I've been seeing on KERA and FRUiTs. They were really nice. If only people here were more open to japanese streetwear. heeeh. or even to the more tame Thai casual get-up. Boy(s) Jeans, Cargo Khakis or shorts, colorful loose shirts.
The hunt wouldn't be over without stopping the Factory Sale Outlet. We got a vivid green/yellow stripped polo v-neck and pink/black stripped top. The two was unbelievably cheap. yeah, hooray for cheap finds!!!

Mah, then mom and I treated ourselves with kimchi soups and beef rice bowls at Yoshinoya. I miss Yoshinoya. Everytime the family would eat out, it's always the guys who gets to choose where to eat. Mom and I are into those healthy food stuff (less cal, low cholesterol etc.) and Japanese cuisines are healthy stuff. ^_^

Anyway, today was a fun day. I'm glad that after a long while, mom and i were able spend the day alone together again. ^_^

0 comments | Tuesday, January 11, 2005

* got a surprise call from Lindsay O_o she wanted me to go to UP's "fair". I told her I can't promise anything.
* imma chopsticks master! bwahahaha
* caught ofie online! hahahaha. how long has it been since the last time we talked?
* I was on "one-of-these-days" mode today. bwehehehe. Hershey called my attention 17 times. She even offered to treat me merienda. kyehe.
* I wanna adopt a stray kitty but Maxine is pretty scared of cats. She doesn't think she's one. lol.
* Favorite artist as of now : Sakura / Milchstrasse / Eisenkleid
* currently addicted to Milk Tea ( Nai Cha )



[ doodle during my HC lec. 'tis was in done on tissue paper ^_^; it came out with soft and fuzzy lines but the scanner didn't captured it well] the sleeping guy on the top is my favorite. He reminds me so much of Manjusa.

| Saturday, January 01, 2005

I havn't been updating. >_<
Lots of stuff to take care of. OK, just one major thing that i have to focus on.But phrrrft,I wasn't able to reach my minimum hour-quota,( even with all that morning strolls ) and that had put me in a depressing mood.I know I have to make adjustments on my time. And be constantly reminded that my life isn't mine anymore. KRIS, YOUR LIFE ISN'T YOURS ANYMORE.Stop entertaining distractions and giving in to your "weak spots". there.hah. Must super-glue that into my head.( So don't be surprised if I do a sudden vanishing act )

Of course, easier said than done. But just because it's difficult doesn't mean it can't be done.

I also need to exercise on saying NO.
Noooooooo!NNNNNNNNo!N-O!

I tried to back out for my art lessons...because, well, i judge it would be categorized under the word "distraction". But when Ate Lea asked me if I was sure this coming Saturday, I simply couldn't say NO. It's amazing.I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe because the other force was at work too...( art = weak spot )

Whatever. 2 months is a short while. I should get more serious on planning life after college. Two years will give me a reasonable time to prepare. I'm giving myself three options:
1. Learn Japanese language, get a proficiency exam (sureway to get a visa) and be a nurse within the Okinawa region.
2. Serve as a missionary volunteer in Thailand.
3. This is unlikely since I plan to stay single but if permitted, I'd like to serve in the Watchtower.
lol. look at me getting all concerned with my future! sigh. and why not? after two decades lolling around, i think it's about time I grow up. It's nice to have plans, i think it helps to give you motivation. And even if none of it will be realized, I'll look back on this and be glad that I made an effort to direct my life in a useful way.